ABBOTT & COSTELLO Who's On First

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Hire a great ABBOTT & COSTELLO act for your next event
http://waltfrasier.blogspot.com/p/abbott-costello.html

Who's On First Script
While there is no one way to do this routine, the following is the most popular version as performed in the naughty ninties. NOTE: Lou Costello loved to Improvise and would try to throw curve balls at Bud with some zany results in the TV shows (esp Colgate Hour)

Abbott: Well Costello, I'm going to New York with you. You know Bucky Harris, the Yankee's manager, gave me a job as coach for as long as you're on the team.

Costello: Look Abbott, if you're the coach, you must know all the players.

Abbott: I certainly do.

Costello: Well you know I've never met the guys. So you'll have to tell me their names, and then I'll know who's playing on the team.

Abbott: Oh, I'll tell you their names, but you know it seems to me they give these ball players now-a-days very peculiar names.

Costello: You mean funny names?

Abbott: Strange names, pet names...like Dizzy Dean...

Costello: His brother Daffy.

Abbott: Daffy Dean...

Costello: And their French cousin.

Abbott: French?

Costello: Goofè.

Abbott: Goofè Dean. Well, let's see, we have on the bags, Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know is on third...

Costello: That's what I want to find out.

Abbott: I say Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know's on third.

Costello: Are you the manager?

Abbott: Yes.

Costello: You gonna be the coach too?

Abbott: Yes.

Costello: And you don't know the fellows' names?

Abbott: Well I should.

Costello: Well then who's on first?

Abbott: Yes.

Costello: I mean the fellow's name.

Abbott: Who.

Costello: The guy on first.

Abbott: Who.

Costello: The first baseman.

Abbott: Who.

Costello: The guy playing...

Abbott: Who is on first!

Costello: I'm asking YOU who's on first.

Abbott: That's the man's name.

Costello: That's who's name?

Abbott: Yes.

Costello: Well go ahead and tell me.

Abbott: That's it.

Costello: That's who?

Abbott: Yes.

PAUSE

Costello: Look, you gotta first baseman?

Abbott: Certainly.

Costello: Who's playing first?

Abbott: That's right.

Costello: When you pay off the first baseman every month, who gets the money?

Abbott: Every dollar of it.

Costello: All I'm trying to find out is the fellow's name on first base.

Abbott: Who.

Costello: The guy that gets...

Abbott: That's it.

Costello: Who gets the money...

Abbott: He does, every dollar. Sometimes his wife comes down and collects it.

Costello: Whose wife?

Abbott: Yes.

PAUSE

Abbott: What's wrong with that?

Costello: Look, all I wanna know is when you sign up the first baseman, how does he sign his name?

Abbott: Who.

Costello: The guy.

Abbott: Who.

Costello: How does he sign...

Abbott: That's how he signs it.

Costello: Who?

Abbott: Yes.

PAUSE

Costello: All I'm trying to find out is what's the guy's name on first base.

Abbott: No. What is on second base.

Costello: I'm not asking you who's on second.

Abbott: Who's on first.

Costello: One base at a time!

Abbott: Well, don't change the players around.

Costello: I'm not changing nobody!

Abbott: Take it easy, buddy.

Costello: I'm only asking you, who's the guy on first base?

Abbott: That's right.

Costello: Ok.

Abbott: All right.

PAUSE

Costello: What's the guy's name on first base?

Abbott: No. What is on second.

Costello: I'm not asking you who's on second.

Abbott: Who's on first.

Costello: I don't know.

Abbott: He's on third, we're not talking about him.

Costello: Now how did I get on third base?

Abbott: Why you mentioned his name.

Costello: If I mentioned the third baseman's name, who did I say is playing third?

Abbott: No. Who's playing first.

Costello: What's on first?

Abbott: What's on second.

Costello: I don't know.

Abbott: He's on third.

Costello: There I go, back on third again!

PAUSE

Costello: Would you just stay on third base and don't go off it.

Abbott: All right, what do you want to know?

Costello: Now who's playing third base?

Abbott: Why do you insist on putting Who on third base?

Costello: What am I putting on third.

Abbott: No. What is on second.

Costello: You don't want who on second?

Abbott: Who is on first.

Costello: I don't know.

Abbott & Costello Together:Third base!

PAUSE

Costello: Look, you gotta outfield?

Abbott: Sure.

Costello: The left fielder's name?

Abbott: Why.

Costello: I just thought I'd ask you.

Abbott: Well, I just thought I'd tell ya.

Costello: Then tell me who's playing left field.

Abbott: Who's playing first.

Costello: I'm not... stay out of the infield! I want to know what's the guy's name in left field?

Abbott: No, What is on second.

Costello: I'm not asking you who's on second.

Abbott: Who's on first!

Costello: I don't know.

Abbott & Costello Together: Third base!

PAUSE

Costello: The left fielder's name?

Abbott: Why.

Costello: Because!

Abbott: Oh, he's centerfield.

PAUSE

Costello: Look, You gotta pitcher on this team?

Abbott: Sure.

Costello: The pitcher's name?

Abbott: Tomorrow.

Costello: You don't want to tell me today?

Abbott: I'm telling you now.

Costello: Then go ahead.

Abbott: Tomorrow!

Costello: What time?

Abbott: What time what?

Costello: What time tomorrow are you gonna tell me who's pitching?

Abbott: Now listen. Who is not pitching.

Costello: I'll break your arm, you say who's on first! I want to know what's the pitcher's name?

Abbott: What's on second.

Costello: I don't know.

Abbott & Costello Together: Third base!

PAUSE

Costello: Gotta a catcher?

Abbott: Certainly.

Costello: The catcher's name?

Abbott: Today.

Costello: Today, and tomorrow's pitching.

Abbott: Now you've got it.

Costello: All we got is a couple of days on the team.

PAUSE

Costello: You know I'm a catcher too.

Abbott: So they tell me.

Costello: I get behind the plate to do some fancy catching, Tomorrow's pitching on my team and a heavy hitter gets up. Now the heavy hitter bunts the ball. When he bunts the ball, me, being a good catcher, I'm gonna throw the guy out at first base. So I pick up the ball and throw it to who?

Abbott: Now that's the first thing you've said right.

Costello: I don't even know what I'm talking about!

PAUSE

Abbott: That's all you have to do.

Costello: Is to throw the ball to first base.

Abbott: Yes!

Costello: Now who's got it?

Abbott: Naturally.

PAUSE

Costello: Look, if I throw the ball to first base, somebody's gotta get it. Now who has it?

Abbott: Naturally.

Costello: Who?

Abbott: Naturally.

Costello: Naturally?

Abbott: Naturally.

Costello: So I pick up the ball and I throw it to Naturally.

Abbott: No you don't, you throw the ball to Who.

Costello: Naturally.

Abbott: That's different.

Costello: That's what I said.

Abbott: You're not saying it...

Costello: I throw the ball to Naturally.

Abbott: You throw it to Who.

Costello: Naturally.

Abbott: That's it.

Costello: That's what I said!

Abbott: You ask me.

Costello: I throw the ball to who?

Abbott: Naturally.

Costello: Now you ask me.

Abbott: You throw the ball to Who?

Costello: Naturally.

Abbott: That's it.

Costello: Same as you! Same as YOU! I throw the ball to who. Whoever it is drops the ball and the guy runs to second. Who picks up the ball and throws it to What. What throws it to I Don't Know. I Don't Know throws it back to Tomorrow, Triple play. Another guy gets up and hits a long fly ball to Because. Why? I don't know! He's on third and I don't give a darn!

Abbott: What?

Costello: I said I don't give a darn!

Abbott: Oh, that's our shortstop.

PLAY TAKE ME OUT TO THE BALL GAME and fade out

Time Out New York Feature

Both LMAO and Improv 4 Kids are featured as great destinations for the family in this Month's TONY Kids

READ THE WHOLE ARTICLE
http://newyorkkids.timeout.com/articles/theater/88321/improv-shows-for-nyc-kids

Now on newsstands, find picture of Walt Frasier and Spero Chumas at the Times Square Arts Center. TIME OUT NEW YORK KIDS September 2010 pg 58.

Small correction... LMAO tickets run $42-50. We do offer a number of discounts. Click this link for the $20 tickets https://www.ovationtix.com/trs/pr/718535/prm/eight20

This is not the first time TONY KIDS has featured us.  Check out this older article that led to the ABC NEWS feature (See Video Below) http://www.improv4kids.com/time_out_kids_article.html



Professional Improv Comedy
LIVE from TIMES SQUARE
Improv 4 Kids http://www.improv4kids.com/
LMAO http://www.lmao-nyc.com/
from the cast of EIGHT IS NEVER ENOUGH http://www.eightimprov.biz/

ABC NEW from Summer 2007 - I am told this has rerun on many occasions. THANK YOU TIME OUT NEW YORK and ABC NEWS for putting us on the map in a major way!!!

Student Groups Fall 2010

ATTN Tour Operators and Group Bookers
Hope you are having a great summer.


Wanted to let you know, EIGHT IS NEVER ENOUGH, Improv comedy show for all ages, has moved back to its former home of three years, The Times Square Arts Center (TSAC) . We moved across the neighborhood for the past eight months to help take the show into union status. Now operating under the jurisdiction of AGVA (American Guild of Variety Artists) the show is attracting a new audience of avid theatergoers. TSAC is one of the nicest off-Broadway venues in NYC featuring Vegas Style cabaret showrooms - clean, comfortable and conveniently located. Best of all, we no longer require two drink minimum. While food & beverages are available, NO additional purchase is required of any kind.

FALL 2010 SPECIAL

(Book Before Thanksgiving 2010 - Available thru June 2011)

Ticket to any show plus 2-hour workshop (within 48-hours of show).

Just $20 per person (MIN 10ppl)

OVER 1/2 off regular rates!!! (Regular ticket rates now $20-50PP / Workshops $20pp)

Student Lunch/Dinner Option

Add a student dinner basket PREFIXE for $15

Choice of 3-4 hot selections

(Usually Chicken Fingers, Grilled Cheese or BBQ Wings)

French Fries

Unlimited Soda

Homemade cookie

Service & Tax included

Reg Schedule 8pm Nightly; 3pm Saturdays
Groups of 30 or more we can add shows to calendar almost anytime

Next time you are in town love to have you check out our current cast including myself (Walt Frasier - Letterman, Bway tours, MTV, VH1, NICK, WE), Charles Murray (Bway Dream Girls, Chorus Line THE MOVIE) and Lee Markham (Altar Boyz off-B'way). Complimentary tickets will be waiting for you at the theater. Call anytime to discuss rates for shows and workshops.

Walter
212-568-6560
http://www.eightimprov.biz/
http://www.lmao-nyc.com/  Off Broadway Production
http://www.improv4kids.com/  K-12 outreach
http://www.fpny.org/  SGF PRODUCTIONS & EVENTS

Vblog: TRAFFIC in NYC, First School Gig of the Year, GO YANKEES!!!

We had a great gig in Warren NJ today. Spero, John Gleason and Chris Liedenfrost-Wilson joined Laurice and I for two shows. Tons of fun round trip in the NAVY -8-OR. Great Breakfast/Lunch at a diner COUNTRY SQUIRES. Pumpkin Pancakes make all of us happy. Unimpressed with Taylor Pork Roll. Good French Dip for Laurice. So we pull into the school and there is a FAMOUS DAVE's BBQ truck dropping off lunch for the kids. SERIOUSLY, this is a regular occurance. So remember all of those crappy school lunches. Pizza Friday being the highlight, we suffered rubbery hamburgers and runny wrapped dog food they dared called a burrito with that toxic cheese sauce. These New Jersey upstarts get restaurant catered lunch everyday but Tuesday. Burger King, REAL pizza from amazinging local joint, Wendy's, McDonalds, Local Deli Sandwiches AND FAMOUS DAVE's. The whole school smelled like PIT BBQ. I am ready to go back to school. Maybe they need atheater or music teacher. Heck i will be the hall monitor to get Famous Dave's BBQ once a week. ANYWAY.... We have two amazing shows - HILARIOUS!!! Great kids. Fun Audience. After the show, a bunch of kids came up to John "You look like Shaggy" and "Are you Jon Heder?" Especially after his voices in Authors. John will have to remind me what character he was portaying. Chris was doing the Dr. Suess and slipped into John's character voice. "Your voice is addicting" Now i have to comment on this towns civil planning. At least for the shopping malls. Of course being Jersey there is a series of strip malls on every corner. But no entrance/exit seemed to work normally. Each one either had a DO NOT ENTER sign, NO LEFT TURN, NO RIGHT TURN, etc and I seemed to violate every single one - making left turns from obviously right turning ramps etc. This happend at the bank, gas station, diner, and convenient store on the way out of town. We get back to the city. With the Yankee game coming soon, traffic is getting thick. We drive down to 145th street to get a photo inspection for our new car insurance (***SEE BELOW FOR FULL STORY***) and then we decide to head to Marble Hill Target, stock up on some groceries. Spero joins us as he has little shopping in his ghetto on the east side. Laurice is now driving so I can check on some emails from clients (QUITE A FEW ACTUALLY - Holiday is going to be busy season HO HO HO - I don't care if deemed wrong now I will always say HO HO HO and it has nothing to do with Madonna or your girlfriend so get over it) Me in the back, Spero is supposedly navigating. Anxiety is high from the bad traffic. We are all joking around. Listening to the Yankees. John Sterling starts talking about how great the Boston Pitcher is, seconds later we are lighting him up with hits. He gets out of the inning with just 1 run earned, but it was the beginning of the end or that guy. So I look up and say "You really need to turn right ASAP so we don't end up in the Bronx" What I did not realize.... i was too late. We were already on the bridge headed for Yankee war zone. We drive right pass it when i make the following video.

OH NO!!! THE VIDEO DID NOT COME OUT WELL SO I AM NOT POSTING HERE. WATCH WHAT YOU CAN AT http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ElPrh8DjTLY

LONG STORY SHORT - One should never drive past Yankee Stadium during a game. EVEN WORSE while they play a very important playoff berth battle with the Boston Red Sox. Should not even drive anywhere in a 10 mile radius. So we are navigating the streets as a team. Almost hitting scalpers and traffic cops. one officer is waving us to go. i mean getting pissed that we are not moving, while a black car/limo is literally inches in front of us. etc etc etc

WATCH PART TWO - As the drama unfolds, Spero fears I might have to use his bathroom.

Joke on him I really did not have to go... Joke on me, Spero got out of the car 1 block early just in case so I could not run up. Hope to see folks at the TIMES SQUARE COMEDY CLUB this weekend. CLICK HERE for $5 tickets

Happy to report that as I publish this Yankees look to be headed for a win. 8-3 without any sign of giving up....

ONE HICCUP
Did you hear the Irish Tenor - you know, the big guy with glasses and Ears that pick up radio waves from space, a cross between the monster son from goonies and humpty dumpty - sing GOD BLESS AMERICA. So they switch to Gulianni while IT (Irish Tenor) sings intro. On a really sour note, Gulianni winces to a point you would think he just crapped his pants - As if the former mayor sucked on a lemon at the same time it squirts in his eye. And it was bad - really bad - and that honest normal response from Rudy was priceless. So I dedicate the following Video to Spero who must have been thinking of me watching a fat guy sing like he was choking on a ball park frank.