Friday, October 1, 2010

ABBOTT & COSTELLO Who's On First



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http://www.youtube.com/user/8classics#grid/user/5626C70B9AE7DF4D

Hire a great ABBOTT & COSTELLO act for your next event
http://waltfrasier.blogspot.com/p/abbott-costello.html

Who's On First Script
While there is no one way to do this routine, the following is the most popular version as performed in the naughty ninties. NOTE: Lou Costello loved to Improvise and would try to throw curve balls at Bud with some zany results in the TV shows (esp Colgate Hour)

Abbott: Well Costello, I'm going to New York with you. You know Bucky Harris, the Yankee's manager, gave me a job as coach for as long as you're on the team.

Costello: Look Abbott, if you're the coach, you must know all the players.

Abbott: I certainly do.

Costello: Well you know I've never met the guys. So you'll have to tell me their names, and then I'll know who's playing on the team.

Abbott: Oh, I'll tell you their names, but you know it seems to me they give these ball players now-a-days very peculiar names.

Costello: You mean funny names?

Abbott: Strange names, pet names...like Dizzy Dean...

Costello: His brother Daffy.

Abbott: Daffy Dean...

Costello: And their French cousin.

Abbott: French?

Costello: Goofè.

Abbott: Goofè Dean. Well, let's see, we have on the bags, Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know is on third...

Costello: That's what I want to find out.

Abbott: I say Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know's on third.

Costello: Are you the manager?

Abbott: Yes.

Costello: You gonna be the coach too?

Abbott: Yes.

Costello: And you don't know the fellows' names?

Abbott: Well I should.

Costello: Well then who's on first?

Abbott: Yes.

Costello: I mean the fellow's name.

Abbott: Who.

Costello: The guy on first.

Abbott: Who.

Costello: The first baseman.

Abbott: Who.

Costello: The guy playing...

Abbott: Who is on first!

Costello: I'm asking YOU who's on first.

Abbott: That's the man's name.

Costello: That's who's name?

Abbott: Yes.

Costello: Well go ahead and tell me.

Abbott: That's it.

Costello: That's who?

Abbott: Yes.

PAUSE

Costello: Look, you gotta first baseman?

Abbott: Certainly.

Costello: Who's playing first?

Abbott: That's right.

Costello: When you pay off the first baseman every month, who gets the money?

Abbott: Every dollar of it.

Costello: All I'm trying to find out is the fellow's name on first base.

Abbott: Who.

Costello: The guy that gets...

Abbott: That's it.

Costello: Who gets the money...

Abbott: He does, every dollar. Sometimes his wife comes down and collects it.

Costello: Whose wife?

Abbott: Yes.

PAUSE

Abbott: What's wrong with that?

Costello: Look, all I wanna know is when you sign up the first baseman, how does he sign his name?

Abbott: Who.

Costello: The guy.

Abbott: Who.

Costello: How does he sign...

Abbott: That's how he signs it.

Costello: Who?

Abbott: Yes.

PAUSE

Costello: All I'm trying to find out is what's the guy's name on first base.

Abbott: No. What is on second base.

Costello: I'm not asking you who's on second.

Abbott: Who's on first.

Costello: One base at a time!

Abbott: Well, don't change the players around.

Costello: I'm not changing nobody!

Abbott: Take it easy, buddy.

Costello: I'm only asking you, who's the guy on first base?

Abbott: That's right.

Costello: Ok.

Abbott: All right.

PAUSE

Costello: What's the guy's name on first base?

Abbott: No. What is on second.

Costello: I'm not asking you who's on second.

Abbott: Who's on first.

Costello: I don't know.

Abbott: He's on third, we're not talking about him.

Costello: Now how did I get on third base?

Abbott: Why you mentioned his name.

Costello: If I mentioned the third baseman's name, who did I say is playing third?

Abbott: No. Who's playing first.

Costello: What's on first?

Abbott: What's on second.

Costello: I don't know.

Abbott: He's on third.

Costello: There I go, back on third again!

PAUSE

Costello: Would you just stay on third base and don't go off it.

Abbott: All right, what do you want to know?

Costello: Now who's playing third base?

Abbott: Why do you insist on putting Who on third base?

Costello: What am I putting on third.

Abbott: No. What is on second.

Costello: You don't want who on second?

Abbott: Who is on first.

Costello: I don't know.

Abbott & Costello Together:Third base!

PAUSE

Costello: Look, you gotta outfield?

Abbott: Sure.

Costello: The left fielder's name?

Abbott: Why.

Costello: I just thought I'd ask you.

Abbott: Well, I just thought I'd tell ya.

Costello: Then tell me who's playing left field.

Abbott: Who's playing first.

Costello: I'm not... stay out of the infield! I want to know what's the guy's name in left field?

Abbott: No, What is on second.

Costello: I'm not asking you who's on second.

Abbott: Who's on first!

Costello: I don't know.

Abbott & Costello Together: Third base!

PAUSE

Costello: The left fielder's name?

Abbott: Why.

Costello: Because!

Abbott: Oh, he's centerfield.

PAUSE

Costello: Look, You gotta pitcher on this team?

Abbott: Sure.

Costello: The pitcher's name?

Abbott: Tomorrow.

Costello: You don't want to tell me today?

Abbott: I'm telling you now.

Costello: Then go ahead.

Abbott: Tomorrow!

Costello: What time?

Abbott: What time what?

Costello: What time tomorrow are you gonna tell me who's pitching?

Abbott: Now listen. Who is not pitching.

Costello: I'll break your arm, you say who's on first! I want to know what's the pitcher's name?

Abbott: What's on second.

Costello: I don't know.

Abbott & Costello Together: Third base!

PAUSE

Costello: Gotta a catcher?

Abbott: Certainly.

Costello: The catcher's name?

Abbott: Today.

Costello: Today, and tomorrow's pitching.

Abbott: Now you've got it.

Costello: All we got is a couple of days on the team.

PAUSE

Costello: You know I'm a catcher too.

Abbott: So they tell me.

Costello: I get behind the plate to do some fancy catching, Tomorrow's pitching on my team and a heavy hitter gets up. Now the heavy hitter bunts the ball. When he bunts the ball, me, being a good catcher, I'm gonna throw the guy out at first base. So I pick up the ball and throw it to who?

Abbott: Now that's the first thing you've said right.

Costello: I don't even know what I'm talking about!

PAUSE

Abbott: That's all you have to do.

Costello: Is to throw the ball to first base.

Abbott: Yes!

Costello: Now who's got it?

Abbott: Naturally.

PAUSE

Costello: Look, if I throw the ball to first base, somebody's gotta get it. Now who has it?

Abbott: Naturally.

Costello: Who?

Abbott: Naturally.

Costello: Naturally?

Abbott: Naturally.

Costello: So I pick up the ball and I throw it to Naturally.

Abbott: No you don't, you throw the ball to Who.

Costello: Naturally.

Abbott: That's different.

Costello: That's what I said.

Abbott: You're not saying it...

Costello: I throw the ball to Naturally.

Abbott: You throw it to Who.

Costello: Naturally.

Abbott: That's it.

Costello: That's what I said!

Abbott: You ask me.

Costello: I throw the ball to who?

Abbott: Naturally.

Costello: Now you ask me.

Abbott: You throw the ball to Who?

Costello: Naturally.

Abbott: That's it.

Costello: Same as you! Same as YOU! I throw the ball to who. Whoever it is drops the ball and the guy runs to second. Who picks up the ball and throws it to What. What throws it to I Don't Know. I Don't Know throws it back to Tomorrow, Triple play. Another guy gets up and hits a long fly ball to Because. Why? I don't know! He's on third and I don't give a darn!

Abbott: What?

Costello: I said I don't give a darn!

Abbott: Oh, that's our shortstop.

PLAY TAKE ME OUT TO THE BALL GAME and fade out

Thursday, September 30, 2010

HOW TO PLAY SOME GREAT THEATER GAMES PART 2

HOW TO PLAY SOME GREAT
THEATER GAMES
 PART 1 / PART 2
Watch great examples at

LET’S START A SCENE – (AKA TWO LINE EXERCISE)
Player one starts scene with a physical activity. Player two starts with first line of dialogue. In the first one to three lines of the scene, players should establish a strong WHO & WHERE – both players should have identified their characters, the relationship between the characters, and the location of the scene.

COLUMNS or HUMAN MAD LIBS (TM)
(CLICK HERE TO SEE EXAMPLES OF THIS GAME)
The MC calls two audience volunteers to the stage. They sit or stand on the DS (down stage) corners. The Players perform a scene, using the “Columns” to fill in the blanks. Players should repeat the word or phrase and then justify it into the scene. TIP: Start the scene as in the game above. Make strong choices of WHO & WHERE before using the COLUMNS.

SWITCH
(CLICK HERE TO SEE EXAMPLES OF THIS GAME)
Two actors perform a scene. EIGHT players often ASK FOR a fairy tale, but any set-up will do. When ever MC yells switch, the actors switch up the word, phrase, sentence, or physical activity that just occurred. “I just got back form the doctor” SWITCH “I just got back from the teacher” SWITCH “Been here the whole time”. Try switching just one word or entire phrase. Try switching the inflections instead of words. Try saying same line but changing physical activity. In the best scenes, players maintain great story telling while adjusting to the ping-pong nature of the switches. Making sense is not important as long as the scene moves forward. TIP for the MC: The magic number in comedy is THREE. So try getting into the pattern of calling SWITCH twice. NOTE: This game is also called the NO GAME, CHANGE SELECTION and a number of other titles based on the word(s) used to SWITCH the suggestion. We fine SWITCH is the quickest most positive word for the job!

MIRACLE EAR
(CLICK HERE TO SEE EXAMPLES OF THIS GAME)

Two players perform and interview scene. The MC gets a book title. Interviewer begins introducing the show. Give the show and the players imaginary titles. After a short discussion about the book, dive into the life of the author. Wrap up by telling folks where they can buy the book. During the interview, a third player has to interpret the scene using fake sign language. TIP to SIGN LANGUAGE: Act out as much as possible. Alternate direct representation of words and actually becoming characters in situations.

FREEZE FRAME / HUMAN SLIDE SHOW
(CLICK HERE TO SEE EXAMPLES OF THIS GAME)
Players and audience volunteers create a series of posed pictures, often utilizing a black out in between each. 1-2 actors narrate the slide show. Narrators can take on characters – witnesses, experts, celebrities etc. Slides can depict an historical event, vacation photos, how-to manual etc. TIPS Usually about 5 slides is perfect for timing. Alternate summing entire effect of picture and calling upon specific players.

CONDUCTED STORY
(CLICK HERE TO SEE EXAMPLES OF THIS GAME)
Players take turn telling an original story. The MC points to one player at a time. When the MC points at you, you speak until MC moves hand to another player. The goal is to make the story flow form one player to the next, sometimes mid-sentence or even mid-word. VARIATION ONE Elimination – Make it a contest. If anyone messes up, they are eliminated. VARIATION TWO Authors – Each player takes on the persona of an author, politician, celebrity etc. (Most of our online videos are of AUTHORS)

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

KEEP LAWYERS LAUGHING AMERICA

I had the coolest gig Monday. Got to write and perform 20 minutes original for Lawyers based on a case they originally won. Sort of roast I suppose.  There were ten of them in a wine cellar. Enough jokes there I know. But I was struggling to find a good opening until about 5 minutes before the moment I went in the room.

So I went acting nervous - ACTING of course - NOT REALLY NERVOUS - NOT ME - NO -

"Forgive me if I am nervous. This is a roast of sorts and Lawyers will laugh all night but in the morning there will be a libel suit on your desk. This is a good week for lawyers however.... A lot of celebroties are getting in trouble. Lindsay Lohan is in and out of Jail. Paris Hilton is in and out of Japan. And Elmo is in and out of Katy Perry!" RIM SHOT PLEASE!!!

Well it got a great roar and allowed me to continue with mediocre wink wink nudge nudgers....

Hey all, check out my YouTube page http://www.youtube.com/waltfrasier
We have some great new videos coming out every week.

We still have public shows every Saturday & Sunday at 8pm
http://www.eightimprov.biz/

Have stand-up or Improv comedy at your next event. Now booking up for Holiday Parties.
http://www.fpny.org/
http://www.absentmindedcomedy/ R-RATED
http://www.eightimprov.biz/ PG Rated
http://www.improv4kids.com/ G-rated

RETURNING THANKSGIVING 2010
Laugh My Ass Off Broadway
http://www.lmao-nyc.com/

Monday, September 27, 2010

Designer Wrap Rap goes VIRAL!!!



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uIyWqrSN8iM

Thanks to all that helped me make this video. This song has been part of my stand-up routine for six years.
A special thanks to Patrick Salazar for choreographing the guys and Laurice for spending about 40 hours editing. Having to look at my crack that long to get the shot just right must have been traumatizing.